This article is part of SELF’s second annual Rest Week, an editorial package dedicated to doing less. If the last few years have taught us anything, it’s that taking care of yourself, physically and emotionally, is impossible without genuine downtime. With that in mind, we’ll be publishing articles up until the new year to help you make a habit of taking breaks, chilling out, and slowing down. (And we’re taking our own advice: The SELF staff will be OOO during this time!) We hope to inspire you to take it easy and get some rest, whatever that looks like for you.
Some people live for a calendar filled with dinner dates, group hangs, and Sunday brunches. But if you’re not exactly a social butterfly who can effortlessly float through back-to-back plans, the constant need to start (and maintain) conversations can be downright exhausting. Take me, for example: Sure, I love a good friends’ night out or happy hour from time to time, but I can only answer How’s work going? or (fake) laugh at someone’s partner’s jokes for so long before I turn into a cranky monster—I need my peace and quiet.
ADVERTISEMENT
You don’t have to be socially anxious or shy to feel wiped out after a house party, networking event, or even just two coffee get-togethers in a row. Social exhaustion (also known as an introvert hangover) is completely natural, and it’s basically your body’s way of telling you to hit pause and get some R&R, Laurie Helgoe, PhD, associate clinical professor of psychology at Augsburg University and author of Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength, tells SELF. “When you interact with other people, you’re processing a lot of information, and if there’s too much at once, it’s no wonder you’ll be overwhelmed or find it hard to relax”—or feel depleted after the fact, Dr. Helgoe says.
The good news is that, in many cases, the cure is simple: Get some rest and recharge your battery, she recommends. Not all self-care is created equal, however, so to help you make the most of your downtime, we asked experts for some of the best ways to refill your cup when other people (even your favorites!) have sucked it dry.
Escape into a fictional world to give your brain a break.
If your idea of true relaxation involves bed rotting until 3 p.m. as you scroll TikTok or shop for a new winter wardrobe, by all means—go for it. But along with getting physical rest, a mental break can also help restore your energy, Dr. Helgoe says. That’s why she suggests inviting your tired little brain to escape from reality—via intergalactic aliens, perhaps, or a spicy forbidden love story.
“Dive into a captivating mystery, fantasy, or romance novel, or get lost in your favorite movie or TV show,” Dr. Helgoe recommends. Not only is Guardians of the Galaxy or Survivor entertaining, but immersing yourself in a make-believe world can give your mind a chance to detach from the very real stressors of everyday life. (Like last night’s family drama or an intense vent session with a friend.)
Get outside and move around.
The tranquility of nature can be a, well, breath of fresh air if you’re feeling physically and emotionally overstimulated after socializing. For one, it’ll probably feel good to move your body, Dr. Helgoe says—especially after, say, sitting around with your family all day. I also find that when I venture into the great outdoors, I have more space for my thoughts—like I can clear my mind and disconnect from whatever social situations I was in the day before. (Don’t just take my word for it, though: There’s tons of science to support the idea that exposure to green spaces can increase happiness and decrease stress.)
WATCHWhat, Exactly, Is Bipolar Disorder?
ADVERTISEMENT
So consider taking a midday stroll along that scenic route you’ve been meaning to check out or ditching the treadmill and jogging along a nearby river instead. Even if you live in the middle of a bustling city, maybe you can sit on a park bench and watch the sunrise, or take a different route on your walk home for a refreshing change of scenery.
Reframe your exhaustion as an indicator of all the fun you had.
After listening to your coworker ramble on about their favorite hockey team or watching your mom swipe through 20 photos from her“spiritually transformative” trip to Bali, it’s no wonder you were itching to get away from everyone (no offense). However, if you dwell on these little annoyances once you’re finally alone, it’s going to be damn near impossible to relax and recover, Ellen Hendriksen, PhD, a psychologist at Boston University’s Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders and author of How to Be Yourself: Quiet Your Inner Critic and Rise Above Social Anxiety, tells SELF.
“Our brains are quick to zoom in and ruminate on the lowlights,” Dr. Hendriksen says. The problem with replaying these negative moments, though, is you’re also reliving that stress and frustration—which is why she recommends reframing your fatigue a little more positively.
If you’re, say, exhausted from answering a million surface-level questions from your friend’s other pals, maybe you remind yourself that you’re pooped because you invested time and energy into being there for your bestie. In the case of toxic relatives, it can be difficult to find such silver linings, but Dr. Helgoe suggests trying your best to think of any positives from your draining family visit (like your first-ever bite of a Yule log or reuniting with your favorite cousin from across the country). That way your happy memories—and not how annoying everyone is—remain the focal point.
Consider unwinding with friends or family—but in a low-key way.
Recharging your social battery doesn’t mean you have to be a complete hermit for the foreseeable future. If you’re craving some form of connection or battling FOMO but you know a boozy brunch or crowded shopping district is the last place you should be right now, you can still hang out with your loved ones. Just pick an activity or place that’s more low-key, Dr. Helgoe suggests.
Getting outside for a park walk is a great idea for the reasons above, and you could consider ordering your favorite sushi to go instead of waiting 45 minutes for a table that you’ll definitely be crammed into. Another great low-stimulation option? Go to the movies: “You sit there in silence, next to each other, and then, afterward, you have the chance to talk about what you watched,” Dr. Helgoe says. “It’s just this shared, lovely quiet.” (The best of both worlds, if you ask me.)
Finally, don’t force yourself to relax in a way that doesn’t feel natural.
If you’re a homebody who hates the smell of grass, then don’t drag yourself out the door for that nature walk we keep recommending. And if you find more comfort in disgustingly gory horror films than breezy rom-coms, watch Saw instead of Love Actually.
“The specific activity is less important than whether or not it’s freely chosen,” Dr. Hendriksen says. “When we see recovery as something we have to do, then it can become a chore.” In other words, if you’re not that into it, it’s not truly rest, so just make sure you choose downtime activities that actually fill you up.
There’s nothing wrong with taking a step back from your friends and family to recharge. Even if you genuinely enjoy being around them, it’s normal to need periods of solitude. In fact, the key to savoring your time together is striking a balance—and a post-socializing recovery plan can help ensure you show up as your best self at the next hang.
Related:
